Tag Archives: Chris Pratt

New Management

New Management
or
Must Go Faster
or
Avengers 3: Blast From the Past

a kindly review of Jurassic World
by David Clemmer

I’ll explain that tertiary title in a bit. It’s a little spoilery.

I say, ‘a little spoilery’ because by 2015 most moviegoers know what to expect from a Jurassic Park movie (even if they don’t watch the standard of over-expository trailers). You know that there are going to be five things: dinosaurs behaving as expected by eating goats and being animals, the management of whatever mission the characters on behaving as expected by having secret agendas and being animals, dino-fights, chase sequences, and John Williams behaving as expected and being an animal.

I’m not sure what happened at the end of that paragraph either. It’s okay. Just buckle your seatbelt, sit back, and take in the sights. (Oh god, you’re thinking, he’s doing a thing.)

Welcome…

(Please stop. No.)

…to Jurassic World.

(You had to, didn’t you.)

Continue reading New Management

Episode 29: Jurassic Pork (Jurassic World)

Hoping to gain fame, money, a place in history, and an opportunity to put a 400lb guy like me on the cultural map… and chicken would be nice.

Last week the guys found out that they can record in a fully functioning sauna and it turns out they like it so much that they’re doing it again! Tune in for more gay superzeroes, a lively conversation about Jurassic World and lots, and lots of sweat talk!

Continue reading Episode 29: Jurassic Pork (Jurassic World)

Episode 9: Hard Boiled Eggs (Hard Boiled)

Forward lunge double fist punch and/or crushing the aged T-800’s face, with both its knuckles pile-driving into the real Arnold Schwarzenegger’s metal skull

This week the guys attempt to answer some questions that have plagued humanity since the dawn of man. Questions like: What is a millennial? Are we man babies? And, how much Chinese swag can fit in a single movie?

Continue reading Episode 9: Hard Boiled Eggs (Hard Boiled)