Movie Reviews

New Management

New Management
or
Must Go Faster
or
Avengers 3: Blast From the Past

a kindly review of Jurassic World
by David Clemmer

I’ll explain that tertiary title in a bit. It’s a little spoilery.

I say, ‘a little spoilery’ because by 2015 most moviegoers know what to expect from a Jurassic Park movie (even if they don’t watch the standard of over-expository trailers). You know that there are going to be five things: dinosaurs behaving as expected by eating goats and being animals, the management of whatever mission the characters on behaving as expected by having secret agendas and being animals, dino-fights, chase sequences, and John Williams behaving as expected and being an animal.

I’m not sure what happened at the end of that paragraph either. It’s okay. Just buckle your seatbelt, sit back, and take in the sights. (Oh god, you’re thinking, he’s doing a thing.)

Welcome…

(Please stop. No.)

…to Jurassic World.

(You had to, didn’t you.)

Continue reading New Management

Lovely

Lovely
or
Woohoo
or
Holy Fuck

a kindly review of Mad Max: Fury Road
by David Clemmer

Jason sits to my left at the St. Johns Twin Cinema, near the dead-center of the auditorium. The anticipation is chewier than the Sugar Babies we pass up and down the row. Mad Max: Fury Road begins. Every five minutes for the next two hours, Jason says, ‘Woohoo!’

Jason is objectively correct.

Continue reading Lovely

Manners Maketh Man

Manners Maketh Man
or
It’s Not That Kind of Movie
or
Brad Pitt Ate My Sandwich

David Clemmer

A preface: something I just learned from reading Wikipedia. Ay kay ay: A Modest LOL

I didn’t know until tonight that Kingsman: The Secret Service was based on a comic book. Well aware though I am of the pulsing groan of a thousand snobs echoing across the nation as I typed that sentence, I care not one bit. However, I read the Wikipedia article about the comic, and learned something cute.

Continue reading Manners Maketh Man