Monthly Archives: November 2015

Episode 52: Tom HardEat (Legend)

How many times do you let your kid just eat raw hot dogs out of the fridge?

This week the guys review Tom Hardy doing double duty in Legend. They also get into:

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Episode 51: Gyoza And Popchips (Yakuza Apocalypse)

…a passionate, emotional, turd that we’re going to drop in about two years.

This week the guys go take on an acid trip in Japan with Takashi Miike’s kooky crazy Yakuza Apocalypse. Before that they dig into the latest news, including:

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The Bond Identity

The Bond Identity
or
Licensed to Die
or
‘Shit.’

a kindly review of 007: Spectre
by David Clemmer

Spectre, the twenty-somethingth, umpteenth, whateverth installment in the (rebooted?) Sexist Misogynist Dinosaur franchise, is possibly the worst one ever. Of course, I wouldn’t really know, nor would I want to know, because that would mean drinking and distracting my way through a bloated and tired back-catalog of movies that have done nothing to serve our culture other than to glorify violence and virility.

Like, Oh, okay, that car’s supposed to be sexy. Or something. I’m supposed to’ve read about this car in some magazine or something, and discussed its virtues over some liquor I can’t afford at a men-only poker game. And that woman is supposed to be the very ne plus ultra of my every primal desire. I’m supposed to desire naught else but to ███████ her in the ██████ █████ ███████ ███ while    then    into a $1,000 pair of Vicuna socks. And the manner in which he dispatched those bad guys was top-notch gentlemanly, and his quip could fuel a sex-rocket to Alpha Centauri.

That’s why my interest picked up in the Craig-era movies. Because these tropes started to fall off like all the crisp skin flakes of all of Jimmy’s sexually-transmitted diseases. But now the infection is back, and it’s raging, and no ointment is going to erase the burn unless you amputate.

What, you thought you’d have to click ‘Read More’ before getting to a dick reference? I have my own tropes too.

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Episode 49: Scone Tomahawk (Bone Tomahawk)

“What’s that thing called… Chicken Kickin?”

“I think it’s just called chicken…”

This week the guys discuss the impact of Snow Dogs, Radio, and Speed 2 on pop culture and feminist politics in America. Also Bone Tomahawk. Seriously. OFFICIAL BACKUP DEPUTY CHICORY FOR PRESIDENT!

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Crimson, Blood, Death, Yeah, You Get It

Crimson, Blood, Death, Yeah, You Get It
or
Bland’s Labyrinth
or
The Screaming Skull, 1958

a kindly review of Crimson Peak
by David Clemmer

Have you ever seen The Screaming Skull? The 1958 Alex Nicol thriller? Season 9, Episode 12 of Mystery Science Theater 3000? Because if you have, even if it was with a guy and a couple robots cracking jokes at it, then you’ve essentially seen Crimson Peak.

I’m going to spoil the everloving balls off of this movie in the ensuing review, and I don’t have the technology to use spoiler boxes on WordPress. Therefore, please note that clicking the ‘Continue Reading’ thing, or reading past the third paragraph, is tantamount to clicking  a spoiler box.

Unspoiled nutshell review: If you had to choose between watching Crimson Peak, and going to a financial meeting at a company you don’t work for, consider the meeting. You could gain some insight about Verizon’s budget concerns and projected outcomes. You could gain some free crappy Safeway cupcakes. Or a stale bagel with runny cream cheese. You could be arrested for being there in the first place. Seriously, how did you get in here? Where did you get Janice’s access badge? What did you do with Janice?

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